A Waterbirth In Turkey
Here is my story, mind you it’s a long one .
"I’ve been interested in yoga & meditation since my early university years. But only had to chance to have my first training in Australia in 96, at Satyananda Ashram, Mangrove Mountain. After that, I couldn’t let it go. Soon after I left Sydney and moved to Istanbul, I had the urge to go and visit another ashram. I also wanted to have a long and silent time. I luckily found another Satyananda ashram which could promise that, in where Sw. Janakananda teaches who happens to be the author of my favorite Yoga Nidra CD. I was there for a month and a half, in antar mauna (complete silence; no reading, no talking, no body language, no writing) with a very heavy training on Kriya Yoga, Hatha Yoga and Yoga Nidra. It was harsh yet wonderful. It skyrocketed my own practise. The yoga became a part of my life.
When I got back, I had many friends and relatives who got impressed with my stories and wanted to have lessons. I was practising, but I surely didn’t know the essential points on how to teach. After a year, I decided to get a diploma on teaching Hatha yoga to adults. I completed Sivananda Teacher Training Course in Val Morin, Montreal, Canada and after a couple of months of self practising and another couple of months of teaching to close relatives, I started giving proper classes. After this training, I went to Himalayas for Sadhana Intensive training for myself which I still long for that unearthly experience. And soon after that, Sivananda’s Advanced Teacher Training Course in Netala, South India. My classes were popping around by that time. I wanted to learn more and more. Once someone dives into teaching and learning process, one finds out that there’s yet a lot to learn.
At mid 2004, we’ve decided to have a baby. Along with this decision, although all my previous trainings included the teaching/practising yoga during pregnancy, I made my mind up to have a more in depth training in pre-natal yoga along with the dynamics of the labor. I had some pregnant students earlier in my classes who told me that they benefited so much from the yoga. But, as I didn’t experience how it feels like having a baby in my belly while practising those, I couldn’t really understand what they were feeling while practising certain poses. In depth training especially in this field was a must to me. So, I’ve started searching for the best places. And after a few months, I found out that Satchidananda Ashram was offering the best training on these. I was soon off to Charlottesville, Virginia, US. There, I had 3 trainings, firstly on pre-natal yoga with Kali Morse and Elizabeth, followed by the labour training, and lastly post-natal training by Jyothi Larson. All was fantastic. We had some pregnant students too who were also yoga teachers. Every aspect of pregnancy and labor was covered. And the classes were so intense emotionally, I felt like we were a bunch of girls sharing intimate details with our mothers as guides. I’m surely thankful that I did such a training, what I thought I knew before was so light comparing what I know now. It was a real eye opener. We had experienced mothers from all walks of life, doulas, midwifes, nurses, teachers, doctors etc.. There I learned what the real difference was between normal active birth and caeserian. And there I felt in love with active waterbirth after watching tons of videos and listening to mums and authorities. When I was heading for home, I’ve decided that, if I’d ever going to get pregnant without any complications, I was going to have a waterbirth.
With all the info I had, I was pretty ready for making the baby, however our baby apparently was thinking that we were not ready yet. On top of that, my husband was thinking that making a baby was so easy, it was going to come into my womb whenever we wanted it. I tried to tell him that things don’t work this way, but he’s a little stubborn and convinced with having his fathers strong abilities on making a baby (he was conceived when his father was 50 years old and her mum in her late 40’s with having menapouse already started) It’s like a joke in the family. He’s the “La Dolce Vita” baby. So, it came out that he wanted to have the baby either as a Scorpion (him) or Libra (me) ;) That didn’t make things any easier. We’ve stopped protecting but didn’t really pay attention to dates. Well, his work schedule is usually pretty hectic, he travels all the time within country and abroad. Me, working home/office as a graphic designer and yoga teacher was making the process even more complex. I started jotting down the dates that we were able to make love. And a few months after that, I realized that we were far from having it on the right dates. I made a silent plan, didn’t let him know, but tried to organize work in order to have these precious baby making dates free. It always crashed with his travels. In between, dates and his idea of having scorpio or libra baby, I lost hope. I told myself, I can wait till Jan/Feb. If nothing happens, I’m going to push it then. Meanwhile, thinking that we’re both above average in terms of age, I thought it would be a good idea to have all the infertility tests etc. to see if something was wrong, just to save some time. Everything was fine, and the doctor gave us 2 years for conceiving. That was just too long for me, but there was nothing to do.
Anyways, Jan/Feb passed. And he was a little disappointed with nothing happening. I told him about the dates etc.. He started organising his travels/meetings accordingly to have these dates free. Still, with all this pushing from both sides, we’re not able to be together for most of these dates. It became frustrating after a few months. I was trying to get pregnant but caught up in work and yoga classes so much, while I was teaching to relax, I found myself getting stressed out due to the not having time for my own practise and for myself. I cut down my all evening classes, sent my students to other teacher friends. I cut down the amount of my graphic design clients. Had some free time for myself back again. Months went by.
That’s when I decided to have a month off, go and do a training which I wanted to do for many years, and have some free time by myself in an ashram setting. Deep down in my heart, I had a feeling that, if I’d become relaxed, it might have helped to having the baby. I had to acknowledge the baby that I didn’t want any rush business wise anymore, and was ready for it to come. So, I’ve started concentrating on it.
On June, me, my sister and mother went to Paris together for holiday for 5 days. When it was over, they travelled back to Turkey and I headed to the Sivananda Ashram in Neuville aux Bois, Orleance, France. This time solely for a yoga vacation. There, I met with Stephen Quong, a vedic astrologer, who told me that I had a twisted womb. I was shocked, because that’s what a numerologist/tarot reader from Australia told me many years ago which I had forgotten. He said that, it might be one of the reasons making the conceiving longer. He also told me that I had some spiritual obstructions and suggested regular prayers to baby Krishna and a ritual. I started making regular trips every morning and evening to Krishna statue. There I prayed deeply and was actually talking to my future baby that how I was longing for it and that now I was really ready and that whenever he/she was ready, was welcome to our life. It was very peaceful and relaxing 2.5 weeks.
After Paris, I travelled to Zurich, Switzerland, for an intensive week long workshop on Structural Yoga Therapy by Mukunda Stiles in Switzerland which gave me another perspective in yoga and anatomy. It was intense training but I still had enough time for myself. Everyday, I practised yoga, walked and swam. Had chats with new friends who had babies on having kids and birth.
By the time, I was in the plane to Istanbul, I completely forgot about the baby making dates. I just missed my husband a lot and wanted to hold him.
We made love that night, and the following night. In the morning, I set up my computer with a new baby Krishna screensaver. Each time it appeared, I was almost into tears out of love. I know it helped me a lot. It’s only a sembolic form but a great one in setting/concentrating the mind. I took easy with work, didn’t call any new clients, my yoga classes were already in summer break. I enjoyed my days, read & read on childbirthing.
We had one more trip with my sister, mother and husband to the west coast of Turkey. It was also like bonding trip with my mother, who also works like crazy. She’s a teacher in a specialized classroom for preparation to university exams for high school students and she works 6 days a week, from 8.30 to 7.30, including weekends. She lives in another city and it’s usually impossible to see her. We talked a lot about my birth and her feelings.
After that trip, I went to the south coast of Turkey to visit a very dear friend, whom I haven’t seen for years. There, she told me if I was pregnant. I smiled, I had a weird feeling, but thinking that it might be a false alarm again, I didn’t want to spoil it. And decided to wait till my period comes. But, it didn’t. I thought to myself that it’s because all of this travelling. Then I realised that, while I was in Paris, my period delayed for a week, only to make it possible to let us have 2 extra days after my return for conception. I was getting excited but didn’t have the guts to buy and do the pregnancy test. My friend forced me everyday and we made trips to the several chemists each day to buy a pregnancy test. Each time, I blurted out a reason for not buying it, that the test was off date, or not the right kind, or was too expensive. At the end, I promised her to have the right test by the first day I got back home. When I was back to Istanbul, I started to another round trip to chemists, looking for one specific brand, unfortunately no chemists seemed to have it. I thought that this was a sign, that up until now, I was forcing it too much, now I had to let go. I remembered what my guru said once; “If I was to have a baby in my karma, regardless of what I do, I’ll have it. If not, I had to let it go” So, I let go.
A week later, I was passing by another chemist which I had to urge to go in, remembering that I still didn’t have my period, I went in and bought a test. I came home, trying not to get to attached or involved with the outcome, I applied the test. And guess what, I was pregnant ;) Of course, I couldn’t believe it, I though something was wrong with the test. I had to read the instructions a few times to understand that nothing was wrong. But still, it couldn’t be. I waited trying to be patient, ate my lunch (the longest lunch I ever had) and headed to the laboratory across the street for another one. It was 22/8/05. They gave me the test in a very short time. While I was waiting, my mind was blocked. I was shaking, excited, happy and frustrated, letting go and getting crazy at the same time. I was going nuts. And the results came, positive. The girl at the reception desk asked me if I was wanting it, I smiled at her saying “ Yes, since a longgg time” 3 days later, I went to the hospital for the first doctor visit and ultrasound for a final clarification. Yes, I was still pregnant for 5 weeks. The conception date was right after my arrival. ;)
Off came my books and class notes on birth and yoga. This time I was reading everything with a different mind set. I again made a clear decision on having the baby via waterbirth, if it wanted to. I kept talking to my baby, saying if you choose to come into this world in a different setting that’s fine, it’s your birth. But if you like, I would love to give birth to you in water at home with my husband next to me and with a trusted midwife but not a doctor. I would like to have you while chanting OM’s instead of hearing all this panicky talks of docs and nurses. I would like you to open your eyes to a dimmed candled light and smelled the incenses burning with the fresh air instead of sharp hospital lights and smells of anesthetics. I would like to hold you in my arms straight after birth and not to let you go anywhere for weighing, blood sampling, sleeping. I want to nurse you straight away. And want to see your eyes soon after you’re out and not to loose you out of my sight. I made clear that it’s his/her choice but if allowed, I’d love to have those.
And of course, I’ve started searching for the waterbirth and midwifery resources. And also started giving info’s on birth choices to my husband bit by bit. To my surprise, he was very accepting. I found him fighting for the right to birth at home against others in time. (My sister is a dentist, so with a traditional doctor training background, she went nuts when hearing upon the plan of giving birth at home. My mother gave birth to me at home, but she now thinks that it was out of ignorance and although she didn’t had any complications, she would never do that again. All my other friends except two, are highly supporters of C-section.)
I had an insurance covering all aspects of birth in a certain hospital but I was convinced to give birth in a non-hospital setting. Since midwifery is not a common practise in modern cities in Turkey, the traditional midwifes we had were from remote areas of country where there are no doctors or any clinics, they had only limited skills without any professional training which I couldn’t trust. So, my choice was preferably a birthing center, as an equal ground. From the books I read, I already had some birthing centers in my mind. Michael Odent from Pithievers Birthing Center, Les Aubrais, Paris, Dr. Donald Sutherland from Hawthorn Birth Center, Melbourne, Dr. Michael Rosenthal from Family Birthing Centre, Upland, California. I wrote to all of them only to find out that they were all closed down. Then I contacted with the Farm, to found out that they are charging such a huge amount of money for birth that I could not possibly afford, not even taking the travel, accommodation, food and any emergency situation fees into account. I searched other places, but my hopes were getting down after each reply. I started thinking that maybe it was not going to be possible for me to give birth in water.
Meanwhile, I met Barbara. She was here for a waterbirth seminar in John Hopkins Hospital, Istanbul. I had 2 pregnant friends by that time and one , Ayse, who happens to be a yoga teacher too, was planning on having a waterbirth with having Barbara as a midwife. I attended to the seminar, it was like a justifying what I had learned before. I saw the birth pool she brought with her for the hospital and watched the demonstrations. After her speech, we watched the doctors presentation. I had a strong feeling that the doctor was just there faking it. He didn’t believe in waterbirth. He strongly believed that it was a doctors business to make a woman give birth. Without them we didn’t have any power to birth. It was very disturbing to me.
My friends gave birth in that hospital. First, Ayse with Barbara beside her. Ayse couldn’t have the waterbirth and ended up having painkillers due to the doctor’s commands. Months after her giving birth, she told me that, she was just realizing how traumatic it was to have that kind of doctor and surrounding while birthing. And how she was thankful to Barbara, that, if she wasn’t around, Ayse wasn’t going to able to birth vaginally at all. The other friend who gave birth months later was a little more luckier. She had given birth in water, although she had some complaints about the doctors bossing attitude. She was actually the first successful waterbirth in Turkey. But, not that successful to me.
That made it for me. Up until then, I was toying with the idea of having a midwife with me and giving birth in that hospital in water, if not in a birthing center. I realized that it was not going to be as I was thinking, if it was going to be in the hospital setting. I didn’t want to be plugged to a fetal monitor continuously, or have an IV on my arm. I wanted to be able to eat and drink during birth to have enough energy. I didn’t want a doctor to tell me that my birth was taking longer and that I needed a C-section, just because of the hospital’s set time allowance for each birth. I didn’t want to be forcefully “offered” painkillers or epidural. Didn’t want an episiotomy, rather preferred natural tears. But mostly, I didn’t want anyone telling me that they were the ones making me give birth, without them I was a powerless sick patient and the baby was something to take out as soon as possible, wash/clear only to be taken away to be force fed via bottles by nurses instead of me waiting on my bed to feed her. I wanted to have a HOME WATER BIRTH !
After Barbara’s departure, I got into contact with her, via e-mails. She wrote me that she could interview some midwifes for me to come to Istanbul for the birth of my baby. It took some months to have the most suitable midwife. And I met you, Gail. After reading your mail, the CV that Barbara sent to me and seeing your photos, I was so relieved.
Now, I’m healthily 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant. You’ll be here on Wednesday when I’m 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I’m counting the days and just wishing that my baby doesn’t choose to come out before your arrival to our home. I strongly wish that my baby want to come into water also, just like us. But, I know that I shouldn’t make any definite plans as this is birth and nothing is predictable. If it want’s to come out in a hospital with a C-section, fine. But, I’m keeping all my thoughts and energy in home water birth without complications or interventions. We’ll see how is it going to happen soon. "
Gamze EVREN OTARAN
And a home water birth is just what occurred. See the pictures. Read Gamze's account of the birth.